What I didn't realise when becoming a mother is that its a identity you now have for the rest of your life, no matter what.  Gone is you as a single unit and that is life changing.

That's what I said at a recent interview by the talented Arlene Harris for an article in The Irish Independent.  It was 30 years ago my first born arrived yet I remember it as if it was yesterday.  Once alone on the mothers ward I laid the new buddle on the bed, pulled the curtain around undressed the baby carefully. I counted ten fingers and 10 toes everything seemed well and then I burst out crying. An overwhelm happened and I was there thinking to quote "Holy Shit, what have I done,"

30 years and 6 more children later I am getting used to the idea! Ha Ha

So when Arlene asked me "What advice I would give to a new mum?" My answer was clear "Don't take advice!" 

What is it with us humans? We seem to love chipping in and giving advise often from our own point of view. When it comes to children each one of them is different, each mother is different and each family unit is different. 

When I had my first child I attended and mother and baby group. What amazed me was the need for quite a few mothers there to be in a unsaid contest. Yep if Jane was breast feeding Mary was to and Paula was being frowned upon for heating up a bottle. If Tommy was walking Timmy was talking, If Jane had teeth so did Lorraine. It was endless and the lesson I ended up learning after buying into it for years was, STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE!  Find your own way for the day to day. The only advise I would consider would be from an expert. Even best laid advice from loved ones should be taken with a pinch of salt, consider then do whats best for you and yours. 

So  Ronan Keating  became a Grandfather or as some here in Ireland are saying "A young grandfather."

As it was a hot topic I was asked to share my own story in The Irish Independent   recently.  The Interviewer  Arlene Harris  ask questions that got me thinking about being  a Grandparent and Selflove.

Being a Grandparent is an exciting time for most. The feeling of your bloodline continuing, the honor of being alive to meet your Grandchildren and seeing your own child become a parent (and learn a thing or two) are some of my thoughts when I was told aged 41 that I was going to be a Grandmother.

You guess where this next point is going right? 

 Stay in your own lane. Whilst for some its wonderful to be hands on and avaliable 24/7. This wasn't for me. Not that it was expected by any means either but I have seen  friends of mine nearly raise a second family when Grandkids come along.  For me I am at the tail end of raising 7 children,  the last becoming an auntie at the age of 6.  I am far from being able to retire and still have 5 to see though college.  

With that being said I wanted to be able to help out and bond with my Grandchildren whilst respecting my children's view of where I fitted into their children's life.  

My daughter lives closes to me and we decided together Wednesday was "Mamo's" day.  This set us both clear my daughter could make her own plans for a Wednesday sometimes for her work, her me time or for us to do things with the kids together.   Now if on the odd occasion something happens and we need to switch to a mutual day we can but Wednesday is the norm. 

This is a win win. The Grandkids are happy to see me on a Wednesday. My cup is full and I can give them the best of me and my daughter gets her day.

I am the fun one and bring the party but I would never disrespect my daughter and son-in-law by not keeping the rules they have in place for their children. 

 I totally love my Mamo days and I totally love giving them back to their parents so they can enjoy them too!

Communication is key. If people cant communicate with you that dosent mean you have to dance to their tune. Practice the art of selflove to care for yourself so you can best care for the people around you. 

For more information on selflove DM me on socials or drop an email to  selfloveclubigc@gmail.com 

So April 25th is National Alienated Day, bit what is it?

When a parent decides to a child as a means of punishing another parent/grandparent etc by denial of access.

When a parent uses their position to manipulate, play games and say negative things about the other parent and/or their family. 

This is very damaging not only for the other party that can miss weeks or years of a child's life but for the child themselves for both long and short term mental and emotional damage. 

At times the courts and other bodies can be abused with false allegations, non complying with court orders and general manipulation against the targeted person.

If you are being targeted you are not alone here is a link that you may find useful for support CLICK HERE 

If you are current using your children as a "weapon" let me take a moment to talk to you.

What do you think the effects of doing this will have on your child? 

You love them right? So is it only half of them you hate? 

What are you teaching your child about themselves?

 What are you teaching them about lying,  about how to live life?

  If there is strength in numbers, why are you taking away supports ?  Surely the more people in your child's life, the more love ? 

 Parenting is hard, removing help for no good reason is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die, not to mention the abuse you are afflicting on the child you claim to love so much.  Reach out for help, talk and put a plan in place. You don't have to do this. X

So today is labeled "Blue Monday" a term I am not willing to take on.

I can see the reasoning behind it, we have over ate, drank and spent around Christmas , many have already dropped new years resolutions and we are feeling sh*t hanging on for pay day. 

But what if like me you could make Monday  your favorite day of the week! Claim it and own it.  

Most of the Monday haters seem to break their routine at the weekend and spend the first half of the week trying to get back into it and the last half looking forward to Friday. 

I started to stop breaking the routine at the weekend. Once you plan to have 8 hours sleep in 24 hrs. Then you can stick to that, at the weekend I may go to bed an hour earlier and rise an hour later but that's it and its so easy to face the alarm in fact I often wake before the alarm every Monday morning.  So when do I rest and relax, well the truth is every day. Part of my self love is booking in time for me and I have that set in stone. For help on your self love planning  CLICK HERE 

What about making a plan for Monday evenings? Date night, game night or cuddling up on the sofa with a book. Mondays wont seem so bad when you have something your looking forward to that night.

Put in some effort... I mean we plan for Valentines and all the other man made and labeled days why not plan a call with a friend, a walk and talk or a nice dinner for blue Monday and you will take the blue out of it right away.

Blues are something you can shake off. 

More than that don't be afraid to reach out for help, talk to someone and find help. 

Lets take the blue out of MONDAY 

So here it is a very happy new year to you, however this year far from a fairytale it might read Happy Christmas My Arse!!

But lets hold on for one minute, if covid taught us anything the lesson of having to let go of that, that cant be controlled has been huge.  

Resolution's often include giving up things (a language I like to change around on mindset from said "giving up") or setting things to do with Health, Wealth, Happiness and Success right, but also Love, Family and Work/Life Balance.  How do we start, like start for success past the second week in February? 

Firstly pick your date, yes you heard me it really doesn't have to be on the 1st January.  In fact I would recommend you don't start on the 1st.  Many people like to see in the new year (late night) Some with alcohol or a feast (food/drink hangover)  So on top of not feeling great you are also doing it just because others say that's the time to do it, if that suits great if it doesn't great stay in your own lane! 

Next find the language to make what you want excited you and light that passion.  Go deep into thinking about your Why. Why you want this, what it looks like picture yourself as if it is already done. 

Then rewrite your story, burn your old story and physically rewrite your new one. Visualize it, smell it, feel it, touch it and taste it. 

Next break it down into small steps that are attainable work out what your rewards will be as you reach each stage. Plan ahead, think about your support, motivations (Vision boards, reinforces, prompts etc) Work on your affirmation's I can show you how to double down on affirmations and help with planning, accountability and motivation.   ASK ME HOW   and a very happy new year .. When ever you chose it to start . 

Do you ever have a itch that needs to be scratched but the fear of failing stops you in your tracks? 

I am sure we have all felt like that at times, even myself a few weeks back . The difference with me was I knew it was a bit of imposer syndrome and fear creeping in , and I now made friends with my imposer and turned her into my inner rebel. I also know to go ahead and fail because that's how we learn and grow after all I have the T'Shirt!  click for T'Shirt range here 

So what happened ?  

 I am a Toastmaster  and how that works is you deliver speeches in categories  so right now I am doing motivational speeches. Its great I am good at it and in my comfort zone. However a competition came up (rubbing hands together for a good comp!)

The category  was the last on my list I wanted to take on Humorous Speech!  Funny I never though of myself as funny but after saying no the itch started should I scratch it?  I did the right thing (eyebrow raise) and asked my 17 year old son his opinion.  He took no time to confirm I wasn't funny  and right not to do it .. the itch continued.  The competition day rolled around and I stared putting together the pieces of the speech I had been rolling around in my head.  

Feck it I will do it I said as I pressed the send on the message to see if I could. 

"Yes of course" was the warm welcome reply.  OK so now I was in it as a growing learning to development myself after all haven't  I told many client the magic happens outside the box.  

The shock  when the announcement came later that evening  that I had won was unbelievable here I was waiting for the name of my favorite speaker that evening but instead it was mine. 

 I had placed first in the club and was now though to the next round, competing at area level.  Again I shock of the imposter who tried to join in the next evening and delivered my speech again. I knew I hadn't won and was delighted that i had performed well in front of my peers especially Toastmaster Lorraine who was just outstanding she really had the whole package she sang, did impressions, quotes and everything you got ask for.  But I did place second meaning I was though to do it all again 3 weeks later in  Division comp!

I won ... OK NOT the Division comp but I won my own comp. I stayed in my lane (this was hard as the toastmaster I had placed 2nd to was in the same comp) I practiced and when the day came I delivered the best speech I could have done and beat my own best record. I felt on cloud nine as I floated down the hall to the previous said teenager he asked

"Did you do it again?" 

"No I didn't came my reply with a big smile, but I did my very best."

So I celebrated I stepped out of the box, learnt and grew.  I  showed my children that doing your best and being the best you is the best you can be.  Also I changed my story from I am not funny to YES I am Humorous!

Click here to work with me   

"I am ready to start another business" I declared. 

"What now, and why cant you keep doing what you were doing?" Was the reply.   The truth was I could no longer do what I was doing because I had suffered burn out. Not just a hash tag burnout kind of thing. No a total burn out on the couch can not speak to anyone kind of burned out.

I had spent years building my business and just as things were ready to take care of me instead of me taking care of it, I found myself no longer able.

I had to dust myself off and build confidence in myself so that others could have confidence once again in me. 

This time I was building a business that put me first, a business that had rules and a business that could last as I was giving to myself first which allows me to give more to others. 

So if you are reading this welcome to my business.  As a self love coach I am going to share a few tips to help you with selflove in your business and of course to book for a coaching session or to work with me CLICK HERE. 

Not in any order but here goes 5 tips.

1) Get clear. 

Its really hard to feel confident when your are unsure of how to get your message out.  Sometimes our heads are to busy with all the different ideas in our business that we make no sense to anyone. 

Think of your why. Why did you start this business? Who was it for? What does your ideal client look like? How can you help them?  The risk is here you start thinking very broad, of course my business is for everyone because I want everyone to buy from me! However when selling to everyone you will not sell to anyone.  Niche down.  

2) Set Clear Boundaries.

Don't have yourself needing to jump at every ping of the phone. Set your times of business use your email holiday reply to let people know emails are answered between xyz and xyz we look forward to getting back to you then.

3) Book yourself into the diary. Sitting at a desk for hours is not going to allow you to give your best. For me 1 hour in and my level of doing my best slows down and I am not giving my best.  Take a break take a walk, go get water, have a dance, a power nap, whatever it is book yourself in to refresh.

4)  Celebrate  your wins, give yourself a pat on the back. Look at all the things you have done. Have a *TA DA* list rather than or along side your to do list. Celebrate you.

5) Get back up.    From home, from family, from friends or from a network. I am a member of two networks as a solo trader it is so so great to give and gain support to others. 

So we have heard you cant pour from an empty cup, but what do we think about when we hear this? 

Is it that this only applies to family? Is it that its talk of others that have time on their hands and my business is to busy for that? Or is it  like my past mistake  I am stronger than most so all is good?

2016/2017 was a crazy busy year for me. I was labelled wonder woman by on lookers and I believed it! 

 To sum a quick list of what I was up to and remember I cant even remember a lot of it.  Award winning hair and make up artist that was on the road sometimes 4am or driving home from Dublin 4am!  Miss Curves Ireland, hosting events,  turning on Christmas lights, photo shoots, Saint Patrick's day parades, charity work, appearances and speaking events.  Mini marathon, climbing Croagh Patricks 764 meters and a Triathlon all for charity.  Being a plus size model and having shoots and catwalks between London and Ireland.  Radio presenter. Running Irelands curvy convention Irelands Got Curves  oh I did I mention my husband and 7 children!  I was indispensable until I wasn't! 

In 2019  I ended up with total burn out, I landed on the couch and stayed their for around 3 months. Some of that time unable to even speak to my own children. I was wiped out. It had be coming on for a while but I dismissed pains and tiredness as "getting old"  I had too much to do and didn't put myself anywhere near the front of the cue.

Its real.. Self-love is not only good for business its essential for leaders. I am back, better than ever before I have so much to give as I give to myself first follow along this month for tips and ideas for your own self love journey. Let me show you how so you don't have to learn the hard way like I did. 

With all the talk of the last quarter of the year and other panic sales pitches coming out now. Tune in all over Self Love Club IGC social media  for tips on how to give the best in business that you can by giving to yourself also. 

We will round the month of self love in business up with a masterclass workshop Thursday 28th October at 8pm via zoom tickets just €7.99 from eventbrite. Looking forward to sharing with you this month. 

From the umbrella lady!

Just like an umbrella sheltering you from the rain, Selflove shelters and protects you.

Think of being caught in the rain, would it have been easier to grab that umbrella on the way out the door?  Instead of rushing head down getting wet, you could stand strong smell the rain and enjoy.

Under the Selflove umbrella holds many tools, I will be focusing on one area each month. Who's coming to sing in the rain with me?

I sometimes find it hard to explain to people that selflove should be used as the umbrella to help you in all areas of life. For example you may have seen the wheel visual where you can explain your scale of where you feel you are in love, in family, in business, in health and so on. All areas need to be in balance to make and perfect wheel. 

Starting from October I will be focusing on one area that I have found people need help with for each month. Excited to see how the focus changes things for people. 

So follow along on all the socials, reach out to me anytime xXx 

Do you say find yourself saying YES when you know you s     

iDo you say find yourself saying YES when you know you should be saying No?

No is seen as a negative word but if you think when we were children and told no, it was mostly to protect us. 

"No don't touch the fire, No don't go out on the road and even No don't eat any more sweets" these were all loving No's.

What about No"s that didn't really mean No? 

No you can't go out, didn't mean you would never ever go out for the rest of your life but rather Not this time,  or Not Now.

The feeling of disappointment when told no has stuck with some of us and makes us want to say yes and please people.

What if I told you every time you say yes to something you are automatically saying no to something else (quite often yourself)  You can not be in to places at once so your yes cuts off the next yes.

When you say yes and you are not really meaning it you are also robbing the person you have said yes to of a 100% yes.

  If your doing something you really don't want to do, you will never give it your best as if you had your heart into it. Therefore don't give the yes, as they could have asked someone else instead.

Is it then also slightly arrogant of us to think we are irreplaceable in this way, lets face it if you say know the person asking will most likely  just go ahead and ask someone else.

Or perhaps we believe that by saying NO we will somehow become unworthy in someone's eyes! 

Lets take a second here, how do you feel when your told no? Is there a nicer way to say no than a hard pass? "I cant do that I am busy then sounds much nicer than just No sometime. Would you fall out with someone that said that to you? If you really think the person would then maybe they are not the type of person you need around right now.

Practice is key and the more you say No the easier it will become. Its OK to start with the smaller things and work up. 

I could talk about the power of No all day, but I will leave it here... Food for thought.

As always if you would like help in this area feel free to book n for a one to one session with me today email selfloveclubigc@gmail.com 

If you have taken a look at our Shop Page,  you may have come across  our positive clothing range and this T'Shirt Outstandingly Made.

The inspiration behind this tee is that I never felt I fitted in, and after trying to people please and put on a bravado I realised I didn't have to fit in because I was made to stand out, I am outstandingly made.

As a child I grew up in a white area my father from England and my mother from Trinidad so I stood out, I was also very very tall and always treated older than I was. Teachers used to expect more from me and peers used to think me odd.

Dyslexia also added to my not feeling enough always trying to people please but without a diagnoses   I was just left feeling stupid and uneducated. 

On top of this one parent found religion , it meant we were unable to celebrate Christmas or birthdays this  as well as preaching made me stand out from the crowd for the wrong reasons. 

I felt as if I wasn't good enough, I felt lucky if anyone paid me attention. If I got a job or if anything went right.

In 1996 I became a plus size model. I was picked out by a agent on the street and walking catwalks in London and I still didn't feel good enough. I felt I was conning them and one day they would turn around and tell me  they had made a  mistake.  In 2016 I was crowned the first ever Miss Curves Ireland. I was in my 40's with 7 children, the founder of Irelands Got Curves    I had just completed a Triathlon sized 18 for the Irish heart foundation, along with many other achievements instead of celebrating   I still felt they would take the crown back at anytime. 

It was only after a complete burn out I discovered self love. I realised my faking it until I make it mind-set wasn't working for me and decided to start living REAL!  

Self love or love of self has helped  me live a better life. In turn allowing me to to realise I don't have to fit in I am Outstanding, and so are YOU. 

Photo Credits Dillon Photography   

So here in Ireland we are finally seeing a bit of summer, in fact the weather has been so great swimming has been on the cards a few times this week already for our household. 

But how do you feel when asked if you would go to the beach? Does the fear creep in as you search for the excuses not to go? Does your mind , that we know protects us talk you out of it in no time or maybe you yourself already know you just don't feel beach ready?

The question in the title asks How To Get A Beach Body? and the answer a simple one you just take your body to the beach! 

Firstly lets start by thanking your wonderful body and all it does for you.  I will lead...

Thank you wobbly thighs for all the fun nights of dancing we have been on, for walking me around to get places see people and do things.

 Thank you soft, warm, squishy belly you have housed my children and digested my food giving nutrients to fuel my body.  

Thank you to my arms you may jiggle a bit more than you used to when I wave, but oh the things you have done for me hugged love ones close, helped me to brush hair, hold shopping, clapped at concerts, spun under when doing a jive oh so so many things thank you beautiful arms.

  Large plump bottom do you remember when I slipped on the concrete steps outside the mall it was raining and I was wearing those silly crocs! I crashed down 3 hard steps and you saved me from getting to hurt, a cushion even though you were left bruised if you hadn't of cushioned my fall things could have been so much worst thank you I love you.  

Please don't disrespect your body what would happen if it didn't work for you? 

Next lets stay in our own lane and stop comparing. I could never be Kim Kardashian  and guess what that's OK, Kim Kardashian could never be me.  We are who we are, and how amazing is it that our genes have survived so much and so many to get us here today. Think back to wars, famines, cave men etc all of the people before you survived and past life down until it got to you.  The chances and timing of each couple making and meeting means you are 1 in 300 million.  Wow what are you waiting for? 

And the last tip I will leave you with today is try and think what you do at the beach, or in a gym etc. Do you just stop what you are doing and look and judge everyone? 

Chances are people that are happy with themselves don't  they are just enjoying themselves. People that are in love with themselves are going to be busy with themselves, leaving people that worry busy worrying about themselves to give you the time of day!  No matter how important you think your "Imperfections" are others are to busy staying in their own lane so stay in yours!

For one to one coaching please email selfloveclubigc@gmail.com for a free 15 min zoom discovery call. 

So when you are a kid and your put on time out its a punishment right? What about being sent to bed early?  Wouldn't you love for someone to send you to bed right now?

To be able to help others and give your best you need to be recharged, firing on all cylinders.  Time out for yourself or me time is essential  not just for you but for others around you.

How do you recharge? Many of us have become so busy that we haven't had time for ourselves in so long we have forgotten what we would like to do. The rare time that we find ourselves in an empty house we are at a lost to know what to do with ourselves.  Others know how they would like to recharge but don't find the time at all to do so. 

If you think back to your childhood, what did you like to do?  What hobbies did you do? Did you daydream or find a quite space to just be? 

Online quizzes like www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/this-aptitude-test-will-reveal-which  or others that you can google may help you to spark your interest.

 If you know what you would like to do be sure to book time for yourself to do it. Let be honest if someone asked you to do something for them that took 15 - 30 mins chances are you would find time to do it. Find time and gift time for yourself also. 

Some Ideas

ART   PAINTING   DRAWING   PHOTOGRAPHY    KNITTING   READING  WRITTING   WALKING   SWIMMING   HIKING   COFFEE WITH FRIENDS  CYCLING   GOLF   TENNIS   TAKING UP A NEW LANGUAGE    BAKING    YOGA   PUZZELS   MEDITATING   BATH   MUSIC   DANCING   GYM

What you put in your mind, you get out. Well of course you may say no big surprize there right? But how often do we plan what goes into our mind and how often is it influenced or controlled for us?

We spend a lot of our lives on auto pilot. How many people will never make to read this blog post as its not lit up with image after image but rather text you will be reading?  

(As you have got this far Congrats, I love that you are one of the people that did!) 

How much of our time is sucked into social media? Its so scary if you look at your screen time and where it has been spent.

 What if your time was money, hear me for a second 24 hours in a day equals 1,440 minutes in a day or 86,400 seconds.  What if you looked at 1 minute = €1  Wow, would you spend €60 scrolling doing nothing really but that what we do 1 hour can go really quick on social media. 

Not only that but what are you putting in your mind there, or should I say what is being put in your mind? Is it body images,  wealth, holidays, cars or popular opinions?  Is it making you happy?  or Is it damaging you? 

 Lets think what do people that are selling rather then helping do on social? They show only the very best of life often fake unrealistic lives. Are you getting caught in what people want you to buy?

Be sure to mind your mind, be in charge of what you put in there. X

So what is all this self love talk? Is it just a fancy word for a bubble bath?

No, its not just a bubble bath but for some including myself that may well fit into a small part of it!

Self love is about completing you as a person. Working on yourself so you can give more whether to family, friends, beloved, work, business or what ever form you give in. If you are not taking care of yourself, your wants, needs and desires you are not giving the best version of yourself to them that you can. 

Some self love tips would include taking time out to do things that make your heart happy, leave you feeling recharged and refreshed. Booking yourself in with you and not just saying to yourself you don't have the time yet you can fit others in.

 Taking time to reflex on the things you have done well, and celebrate your wins big or small.  This allows you the feeling of achievement and also reconfirms your confidence in you and your ability. 

Practicing gratitude, by being thankful you will find more things to be thankful for.    Its like where you put your focus you will find more. You know when you get a new car and suddenly everyone seems to be driving that car? Did they all buy that car the same time ? Of course not, you are just looking for it more, they were always there. Same principle but imagine finding things that light you up everywhere you look .. WINNER ! 

Getting things done, not putting things on the back burner (Slowly burning you out) But getting things done sending that email, making that phone call, filing taxes, clearing the clutter and so on, brings peace of mind. I find making list a great way of getting things done, I always put the harder to do things on the list to get things done first. Sometime breaking things down into steps can help (this is what i help my client's do a lot of the time).   Having it all done is like the feeling of a empty washing basket .. bliss!

These are just a few of the many tactics I  teach to take you from feeling hurt, unmotivated, an imposture,  unworthy, burnt out etc.

 Believe me I was there, I learnt how to change my whole life around and am on the path to my best life, lets take the journey together. X